The
boys hated my last post. They thought it was lazy and did not fulfil the
contract with the reader. In my defence, there were two reasons I chose to post
a video of a song… apart from the title ‘I grieve’ and the haunting music of
Peter Gabriel, the lyrics suddenly had a new resonance. Especially, the line
from the chorus – life goes on and on and
on… Then there is the change in tempo towards the second half of the song. I
have realized that much against my will and resistance…life does go on and on
and on…relentless, overwhelming and at times, in what seems like an unending
spiral…but with grace, always with a touch of grace. The change in tempo reminds
me that despite all the pain, there is hope for alleviation.
I
was hit by a bout of nostalgia recently after listening to some music that I
was passionate about in the past. Like any of the senses, it brought back
memories…and with them the freshness of a pain that I am trying to move away
from. It’s not funny when you can put a time and place to something you heard
for the first time or what became a signature of treasured and shared moments
or a totem of love.
It
means that I cannot listen to Enigma without thinking of Zambia or Deep Forest
without envisioning the Western Ghats. This music is embedded at a cellular
level, not just in my memory but the boys’ too. It brings recollections of long
drives, mountains made green by rain and mist rising from the bowels of
valleys…just the four of us…happy, together, whole…
Shekhar
was a romantic, something he demonstrated most ably by choosing music that
expressed what he could not say. I remember Foreigner’s ‘Waiting for a girl
like you,’ Rick Astley’s, ‘Never gonna give you up,’ and ‘Drive’ by Cars were
songs he recommended I listen to when we first started going out. When he
shared his precious stash of cassette tapes with me, there was no question
about my place in his life. Over the years, he continued to search and find
other musical missives…my life had a background score.
I
will admit when I heard some of the songs again, I was gutted. But listening to
them on repeat has somehow sweetened the pain of remembrance…those were good
times. At least I had those…
Now,
as I find myself changing, the choice of music has changed too. New music
defines my score – remastered and remixed. It includes the sound of our older
son’s soul playing on his guitar, songs our younger one chooses for me and
whatever resonates at some subconscious level and pounds to the beat of my
heart. I feel blessed. These are good times too…even if life does go on and on
and on…
***
Yes,
they're sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it's better than drinkin' alone
But it's better than drinkin' alone
Sing
us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you got us feeling alright
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you got us feeling alright
From
“Piano Man” by Billy Joel
