Someone
recently told me, and this is not for the first time this reference has been
made in these past six years, that we create our reality with our thoughts…a
basic, ‘thinking makes it so.’ Given the context of the conversation, what
galled me was my implied responsibility for Shekhar’s untimely passing…by
thinking about it!
Hand
on heart, tell me honestly, who hasn’t ever thought about losing a loved one
suddenly? Or imagined what it would be like to receive ‘that’ call at any time
of day or night? If you haven’t, I seriously question your humanity or respect
your sainthood and detachment.
The
truth is, about eight years into our marriage, I had a dream that has stayed
with and haunted me ever since. I was in mourning white, holding my two
children to my chest and lamenting the loss of Shekhar. It was like a seed
planted in my consciousness. It made me aware of how precious it was when we
were together, as a couple and a family. It made me worry when he travelled. It
made me wonder how the boys and I would manage if he were not there. Sometimes,
I would place my head on his chest and sleep to the beat of his heart and at
others, watch the slow rise and fall of his breath in slumber…as reassurance
that all was well. As a reflex, it was what I did the night I lost him too…only
this time, there was complete and utter silence…stillness…absence…
If
I were to go by the argument that I created this reality with my thoughts…I made God redundant…I tilted the Universe…and it took years
to do that. The years when I prayed for his long and healthy life did not
mitigate the power of my thoughts and that strange dream…the years when I had
many other thoughts, prayers and dreams…most of which never materialised…and
how can I discount what Shekhar thought for himself? Who got heard and why?
I
think the scientific research for the self-fulfilling prophecy and Buddha’s
dictum, “We are what we think,” have somewhere been hijacked by the ‘law of
attraction’ and intentionality. It has made some of us believe that we have
powers beyond choice and free will to tilt the Universe in our favour…or
against us, depending on our thoughts. If that were so, would any love go
unrequited? Any disease uncured? Any death undone? If our thoughts alone had
that power, would any wish go unfulfilled?
…And
if no wish were to go unfulfilled…
***
Har
khwab jo poora ho jaaye, woh khwab hee kya?
Hasraton
ki khoobsurati wahi to hai
Hamein
jo zinda rakhe aur rooh ko kasakta…
Unknown
(Rough
translation from Urdu:
If
every dream were to come true, what is the point of dreaming?
The
beauty of intense longing is just this
It
keeps us alive and our soul in intermittent pain…)
