It was Shekhar’s
birthday yesterday. He would be 53.
On
Father’s day this year, our younger one came to me and said, “Happy Father’s
Day, Mom!” I looked questioningly at him and he added, “You are both parents to
me now.” I bawled, made mute by the simple profundity of his statement. It’s been
on my mind ever since.
All
I have done in Shekhar’s absence is to scale up to being there for the boys no
matter what. It has not been a conscious choice. There has been no thought or consideration to
becoming the sum of two people. On most days, it is hard enough just being me. I
tread a fine line everyday where I have learnt not to push too hard or go too
easy on them. I realise that I am their soft place to fall and if I turn on
them, they have nowhere to go. But manning up is not half as much of a struggle
than the times when the boys achieve milestones that we should ideally have
celebrated together as a family. Like when our younger one graduated college with
flying colours this year. I had not envisioned how I would feel when it
happened. It was an expected milestone and one which I saw as a culmination of
my responsibilities towards their education. I craved to share it with the only
other person in the world who would be as invested in his achievement as I was
and he wasn’t there. It is hard to articulate the complete sense of deflation
and utter loneliness of the moment…
Yesterday,
to honour Shekhar’s birthday, our older one released a single, Redemption , from his upcoming debut album ‘Orion.’ He
dedicated it to me. Again I was overwhelmed by the need to share…and again…
As
the boys leave behind delineated milestones and move into the realm of
achieving dreams, the pain of his absence becomes more and more poignant. I
wish he could see them now. See what awesome young men they have become. How
they shine in his light. How they carry his legacy and name…I imagine that the
heart that failed him would find a new reason to beat…with the inexplicable
sense of pride and joy of bringing them into being…just like mine.
***
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not
your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your
children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
On Children by
Kahlil Gibran
