It
has been a challenging year, thus far. For the most part, I have found myself at
the receiving end of many lessons from the Universe, which was why a horoscope
prediction this week made me smile – “You will make plans…and the Universe will
laugh.”
Shekhar
and I had that in common. We were both planners, with plans A, B and C always
in place. But his going reduced my vision and ability to look forward. I relied
on the next best thing. Lists. Each tick mark, a step towards an unknown
destination. I did not think of outcomes and what's next. It was just enough to
take one step and live one day, at a time. This telescoping was very useful. It
made the trivial extraneous. It made fear redundant. Not planning liberated me
from the tedium of thinking through and working out all options and scenarios.
This has been a blessing in disguise. It has allowed God’s grace to work. He
has carried me.
As
creatures of habit and bias, we struggle to live in the moment, to breathe
deeply and actually be present. I have learnt this the hard way. In the past
five years, I have clung to memory, to the pain of remembrance, living in the
dark abyss of anger and bitterness, victimized by a past I could not rewrite
and a future that refused to unfold. I was a failed state and the Universe was
laughing at me. I did what I could do…I got out of its way.
It
is only then, I found His grace become visible. Unplanned things happened, what
needed to happen, happened seamlessly, unknown people appeared as angels,
familiars became God’s instruments …helping hands were everywhere. Hiding in
the dark depths of despair, I was hard to help. Something shifted at the five
year mark this year, I allowed a hand to reach out and pull me to where I could see some
light. Letting it guide me, I took one step and another…and the light became
brighter. It is where I stand now. I know one misstep can send me hurtling back
to the bottom. It has happened before.
The
key difference is - I am now looking up. Not letting the light out of my sight.
It is difficult and the need to retract and return is like a siren song
floating up from the abyss. I resist its call. Just like I resist the urge to
plan. I have only now understood, nothing I could ever think or imagine would
equal or surpass what the Universe has planned for me. I have surrendered to
its will and found that…the Universe is laughing not at but with me.
***
Somewhere
there's a star that's shining
So bright that I can see you smile…
So bright that I can see you smile…
From
“Things my father said” by Black Stone Cherry
*
I’ve done it,
I’ve done it!
Guess what I’ve
done!
Invented a light
that plugs into the sun.
The sun is bright
enough,
The bulb is
strong enough,
But, oh, there’s
only one thing wrong…
The cord ain’t
long enough.
